Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Robert Peston aka Hamlet



Have you noticed that since the credit crunch has taken over just about every news story coming out of our TVs at the moment, Robert Peston is getting as much time on TV as Lorraine Kelly?

It's true he is on every 6 o'clock bulletin now. With his quips about the financial woes of the country and how it's all the fat cat bankers who are to blame.

He is really making the most of his time on the box and it's like he treats every link as if it's an RSC production. Last night with the announcement that Bradford and Bingley were basically done for he was in super form, drawing huge amounts of breathe and then snorting it out with disgust.

Why can't he talk normally? The situation is bad enough without him coughing all over it. His intonation is like an excited five-year-old asking for some sweets from his mummy and why does he pause for absolutely no reason whatsoever?!

I hope this CC is over soon so we only have to see Peston on Comic Relief and I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Raiding the cupboards: Roy Chicago




When it comes to world music, particularly African music I'm usually the first person to jump up and say turn that off it sounds mental. My dad used to play Shina Peters and Kollington all the time when I was younger and i've got an intense hatred for both those guys. But about five years ago I started to listen back and realise there was a lot of genius in my dads collection.

Roy Chicago is a new found favourite. He was a massive hi-life act before people got bored of the westernised soun and sought out Juju acts with their more traditional Nigerian sound. Here are a couple of Roy's best tracks - there is something pretty special about his Nigeria take on American crooning.

Maria

Aiye Soro

(Follow the link to download the songs.)

Saturday, 27 September 2008

90s black music tapes



When me and my sister were about twelve we used to save up all our pennies from doing the washing up and mowing the lawn to buy tapes at ASDA. My sister still has all hers but I threw most of mine out. I found some of hers the other day and they're pretty special. Lauryn Hill, Blackstreet, Bone, Thugs n' Harmony and the epicly weird 3T.

The first three all still hold up today - but 3T are fucking crazy. I ended up staring at the tape for ages trying to work out what was going on. They're scary looking guys, they look like vampires from an 80s b-movie. Everything about them is wrong, from the fact that they look like Michael Jackson divided into three to the fact they didn't cap the 'I' on their single 'i NEED you'.



In case you missed it the first time around. I just don't get how little girls weren't shit scared of them and their eyebrows.

Extreme ways of coping with the National Express



I really hate the National Express, but I'm that poor at the minute I can't avoid it at all. I had to take the coach from London to Bradford today at about 11.30pm - the worst possible time to travel on one of these things, because everyone wants to travel at that time.

The coach was the usual mix of immigrants, students, dead beats and vagrants except this time there was a new kind of Express user - the cockney racist wideboy. Two of these wideboys got on and within about five minutes one of them had spurted out "It stinks like fucking curry on here" followed by a conversation with a friend, in which he said: "We're the only English people on this wagon!" He was a real big man and smoked two cigarettes on the coach like a rubbish version of Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast.

Anyway, the best thing I saw was this women sitting next to me. I can kind of empathise with her because getting comfortable on a National Express, even when you have two seats, is pretty impossible. But she has taken this to a whole nutha level. She got on, rang up her friend, talked really loud for half an hour, then downed a can of Super Malt, whipped out this green rag and pretended she wasn't on the coach for the rest of the journey.

Got to admire her honest 'I hate being on this coach with you lot' attitude but after two hours of her being under I was scared for her wellbeing. I didn't try to wake her up though - I wasn't that bothered.

The Redeemer





The girl in these pictures is my friend called Alex. She's just got a job working for the home office so she's pretty much on top of the world right now. But when we met up the other night for a drink I thought the new job had tipped her over the edge. She showed up in a pair of those ultra rank clog things that really odd Independent reading gents and lesbians wear.

Obviously I ripped into her but then she blasted me out of the water with her ear rings. I was hypnotised for about five minutes trying to figure out what they were and after that I'd fallen in love with the women inside her ear ring and I couldn't care less what she was wearing on her feet.

Bad clogs being saved by amazing ear rings is pretty rare - I'm calling it the fashion redeemer. It's something that good it doesn't actually matter what else your wearing.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Hot Jazz



Ok, so your hair looks like a massive mushroom and you're a freaky freaky drummer - but what are you doing playing this shit? Hot jazz is bad enough at the best of times but this is a joke. Getting some geeky jewish guy on beatbox duties and wigging out for 4 minutes isn't music, it's called taking the piss mate.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Madrid – Don’t cross a deaf boxer



Stalkers are quite boring now. It seems most people have had one or two and they’ve become a bit passé. In Spain this week there has been one of the most interesting advances in stalking for years. Guti the Real Madrid midfielder has been stalked by a deaf boxer who he once offered his support to in his bid to get a boxing license. The boxer, Jorge Munoz, had been befriended by Guti as he sought to get a boxing license last year, but fell out with him and then threatened the Real Madrid star and his family. This week he went loco down at the Madrid training ground and ended up smashing a couple of security guards, putting one of them in hospital. Guti was that scared of Munoz that he had employed two bodyguards to protect him from the boxer. Got to feel sorry for Guti, but shit, this has raised the bar for stalkers all over the world.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Wild man




I'm down at Vice at the minute interning my bum off. The other day I got to interview Pieter Hugo, the man behind those photos of men and Hyenas that everyone went nuts for in errr Nuts magazine a while back. Here's the link have a wee peek, it's pretty interesting.

Friday, 12 September 2008

Black Car




With all this 80s revivalist shit going on at the moment in the electro/bloghouse 'scene' I thought I'd share this.

My dad forgot to told me that a friend of the family had given me this for Christmas TWO years ago. Lord knows what it would have smelt like then and there is no way I'm gonna open it to find out how it smells after two years of fermenting.

Look at the design - this stuff is slick. You'd have the ladies swooning with this distinctive musk!

See you in Moscow




My homeboy and contributor to DD, Super G aka Pete (far left, being gangster) is off on some epic mission to Moscow soon. He's already been around europe, hanging around with strippers at squat parties in Dusseldorf.

Check out his new blog that he's recording everything on - the amount of detail he goes into is a bit too real. Be careful you just might learn something.

Man drowns: people watch







I was in Manchester recently and witnessed this guy nearly drown to death in the river Irwell while about 200 people watched eagerly. He was pissed out of his face and had fallen in. The whole thing was bizarre.

The people watching made this makeshift viewing gallery on the opposite side of the river and people took turns to get a good photograph - so much for human kindness.

I can say all this safe in the knowledge that a) I'm a journalist and b) I hate water and probably would have drowned myself if i'd try to help. That helps me sleep at night anyway.

My friend Dan was like a war photographer and managed to get photos of nearly everything that happened, plus a video of the rescue - It's hardly 999 but it brightened up my day.

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Humour issues



I've just got an interview with Sam Issacs on the gigwise website. This is a little snippet:

L-dog: There's a big debate in my house about who is a bigger bad guy Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men or Heath Ledger in Batman. What do you reckon?

S: Literally what does this even mean? I've been holed up in a studio for the last 2 months. Have I missed out on life? What's been going on?

L-dog: I'm undergoing some serious olympic withdrawal - if you were a world class athlete (assuming you're not) what sport would you most like to win gold in?

S: Boxing. I watched one boxing match in the Olympics. I hated it as it was pretty violent. And then 30 seconds later I was like, "come on, hit him hard!" I loved watching the boxing. I've just realised what the question is. Um, not boxing please.

He's a funny guy. A funny guy who needs to get out more.

Here's a link to the full interview.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Filling a gap



After I finished the fifth series of The Wire the other day i've been pretty down. Couple that with heading back to b-town and things are looking pretty grim. I decided I at least needed to try to move on and I looked to skateboarding as a temporary solution. My mate had a copy of Fully Flared, which features the Royal Family, an elite group of skaters from around the world.

This is Alex Olson's part. He is ace. Getting angry when you mess up is what it's all about. I'm going to try and use it in everyday situations. Like if I forget to take a pasta bake out of the oven and it burns i'll smash it all over the kitchen.

The music on the second part is King Diamond 'One Down Two To Go' and it's totally epic. As is the Young Jeezy track 'I luv it' that features on Brandon Biebel's part. Jeezy is single handedly restoring my faith in hip hop club tracks.



Absolutely BIG



Band of Horses also get a run out. I never really got that excited about these guys when they were big two years ago, but this got me pretty teary eyed.

Gucci by Lynch



I saw the newest Gucci adverts, which have started showing again and
thought it was ridiculous that someone could rip off Lynch that
blatantly - until I realised it was the man himself.

It's no secret he's done aftershave adverts before for Opium and
Calvin Klein 'Obsession'. His mind boggling, twisted 30 second ads are
true genius. They're made even better because he's helping to sell
fragrance which is such a subjective and seductive product.

I don't think there is a product which relies so heavily on perception and
Lynch is a master of creating moments that not only haunt you but
reverberate in coolness.



Look how crazy his hand are?

Check out the full version of this post at the Guardian blog

Duv-duv-duv-duv-duv-dddduv



When people talk about how crap Eastenders is I used to get well upset. It used to start me lamenting about the good old days and all the classic moments.

Basically this You Tube clip would play in my head...except i'd repressed that memory of Frank in the buff except for his bow-tie. Until now. Grim

How many bitches does it take to make a pile up?



I think i'm in love. 16 Bitch pile up have the best name in noise and are a breathe of fresh air compared to all those smelly old guys with hats that make them look like Badly Drawn Boy sitting on stage looking at a wall and playing a prostethtic limb.

Ok, so songs like 'Face Cadet Segement' aren't exactly dancefloor fodder but at least they're not completely boring. I read about them in Wire after breaking a new years resolution not to read it for an entire year. It's a pretty nice feeling picking that magazine up, reading it and feeling like the most ignorant man in the world, for not knowing about these noise bands from Wyoming or wherever.

I can't wait to see them live so I can throw some fruit at them or that prostethtic leg.

Leather and silver steeds



I've just moved back home to Bradford. Times are pretty boring right now and most days are spent applying for jobs I can't get and watching daytime tv. Music tv is the worst. It is terrible.

It's got to the point where i'm watching Bliss ballads and praying for Phil Collins or Journey. MTV 2 is the biggest culprit. Remember when it used to be quite edgy and they played 'One armed scissor' all the time? Yeah, not really?!

Well one saving grace was when Jimmy Eat World got to pick their favourite festival line up and finished it off with Man-o-war headlining. They are on another level.

Rage against the machine? Bunch of whining ninnies compared to this lot. Metallica - Ha nothing but too many alcopops and hair spray. These guys are real men - watch it and weep!

Monday, 8 September 2008

Jawbroken



This is not a joke. This is actually official.

Someone mentioned this to me a while ago but I thought it was some sort of bassline urban myth, like those Japanese video games that dispense school girls underwear.

Looking back i'm not that surprised Ricky lost with this as his anthem. Floyd probably could have got LL Cool J to re-do 'Momma said knock Ricky out', then again he's not retarded.

Did uncle John teach you that?


Uncle John


Bredis P

After the Amir Khan fight on Saturday I heard some boozed up chaps asking whether John Prescott was a relation of Bredis 'Khan slayer' Prescott. It was a fair enough question as the former deputy PM did have a killer left hook just like his Colombian name sake.

It was hard watching Khan get KO'd but Frank Warren and his people should take the brunt of the blame for setting the fight up in the first place. Who picks a Colombian, unknown fighter with a record of 19 wins 17 KOs for a fighter who was hurt by a journeyman like Michael Gomez?

It's hard to see what Khan's next step will be but after that ramraid of a KO, he's going to struggle to ever get up to world championship level. The questions about his chin were well and truly answered - it is indeed made out of glass.

The fight reminded me of one my trainer 'bald Steve' told me about from a few years ago. Herol 'Bomber' Graham was fighting Julian Jackson and with his illusive style he was evading punches and hurting JJ. But later in the fight he decided to start brawling and yes, you guessed it, he became Khan's KO doppel ganger. Ouch