Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Nike Air Stab

Nike have a pretty decent record when it comes to marketing. They work with top athletes and build up the brand around actual talent. Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Theirry Henry and of course Michael 'Air' Jordan are the most obvious examples.

But someone over at Nike HQ has had one too many disco buiscuits and decided to jump on the knife crime bandwagon by naming their latest range 'pocketknife'.

That's right less than a year since they had to withdraw their Nike Air Stab range, they've decided to cut the ambiguity and get right to the weapon of choice for UK hoodlums.

Here's a picture of the offending trainer - to top it off it looks like something a new age raver would wear.

Monday, 28 July 2008


Summer is good.

I love it when it’s warm and you can relax in a beer garden and think thank God winter is over. The only real draw back, apart from scallies and fat people taking their tops off, are insects. They get well excited in summer.

Last week I walked into my room to find five blue bottles milling around on my window. I thought it was pretty weird to see five in one spot. Two or three maybe, but five? Something was wrong. I decided to act quickly and proceeded to shoo them out with a copy of Johnny Cash’s autobiography, like some upset old woman.

Well not all of them. I killed one and left him on the windowsill as an example to his friends. I saw the Vietcong do this in a film and thought it was a good idea.

I thought that would have done the trick and the bluebots would have got the message or at the very least their morale would be sapped. I was wrong.

The next day I came home to find six blue bottles on my window – I thought I was in a Hitchcock film. This time I went postal and splatted four of them with the fiction copy of Vice, which was left in a right state. The girl from the American Apparel ad even got some in the mush.

I started to think of reasons why this kept happening. Then my flatmate pointed out the big vent in my ceiling.I checked it out but there was nothing in there. Then we realised we hadn’t put the bin (which is directly below my bedroom window) out in three weeks and it had become a perfect breeding ground for bluebots. There was loads of them round the back of the house. The only thing I could do was close the window and wait for them to go away.

The whole sorry episode reminded me of a story I heard about Dj Scotch Egg. Apparently he used to couch surf round people’s houses and order Chinese takeaways every night. Instead of throwing away the tin foil packaging they came in, he just stock piled them until they looked like a model of some futuristic office block. Obviously the flies loved this and started swarming around the tower. But instead of throwing the horrible rank tower away, Dj Scotch Egg bought an electronic fly swat and proceeded to wage war against the flies. Apparently he won.

I’ve been on edge ever since and I decided to leave the dead flies up there. Partly to warn off the flies in case they return and partly out of respect for Dj Scotch Egg’s bravery in battle.

Monday, 21 July 2008

Why not?

Why wouldn't you want this?


Nollywood is the rather stupid sounding moniker for the Nigerian film industry. Unlike Bollywood there is nothing that sets Nollywood apart from Hollywood in terms of its content, except for the fact that the films are spectacularly bad. Even the most serious of dramas looks like a remake of an 18th century farce.

While at home I dug around and found some of my Dad’s favourites. I’ve included the actual blurb that was on the back, which has some of the worse language use I’ve ever seen:

Omo Yahoo:

Money, the root of all evil and a society that fails to plan for the future of their young generation reveals the story of Bayo, who hails from a humble background, but decided to seek the fastest road to acquire wealth without much labour. Bayo became a computer fraud-star otherwise known as Omo Yahoo. This is an education movie that all families must watch. Full of intrigue, suspense and very emotional.

Olewu Igioyin:

Oyiniola is a woman full of venom but appears harmless as she rides the crest of her rollicking success. Michael Adigun is embroiled in adulterous liaisons from London to Lagos aided by his close friend Hassan. Heads are bound to roll as everyone reaps the fruit of their various actions. Full of suspense, intriguing actions from the cast of classy actors and actresses. Igi Oyin will have you sitting on the edge of your seat.

Ara 2

Bola and Yomi travelled to the UK to reconfirm their HIV status but come back with a bigger problem. Will their marriage stand the test of time? Who infected who? Are they really HIV positive? Check it out in Ara part 2

Fatal Imagination 2

Ifunnamya who has been presumed dead comes back after about 8 months to confront her sister Adanna and her husband George who had been getting ready for the altar. George is shocked beyond words to see Ifunnamya who was burnt beyond recognition in an accident that happened before his eyes. Everyone is thrown into confusion as they think the ghost of Ifunnamya is on the loose, determined to destroy their lives.

Love Affair

This doesn’t even need a blurb. They just use pictures.

I decided to guess what it might have been though…Tayo who is a small time crook and jewel thief decides he needs a more voluptuous partner. He decides to secretly perform plastic surgery on Ola, his partner, while she sleeps. But in the middle of the op Ola wakes up and with her new bosoms, which have given her super powers, she goes on a rampage that will leave you scared beyond belief.

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Own up you Scruff

Ever been out dancing at one of those Mr Scruff tea party things? They're decent. Everyone dances about to Jazz and Northern Soul as if they are well into it.

He does have some bangers or rather i thought he did. 'Get a move on' was my number one skanking tune until i discovered he ripped it off of Moondog.

Yeah - Moondog the blind guy who wandered around NYC eating rank apple cores and stuff. He also happened to composed some of the best music of the 20th century.

DFA next level

When Death From Above 1979 broke up they put up this heart warming apology on their website: It's like a letter you send to your 3 year girlfriend before you run off with a cocktail waitress called Donna.

AUGUST 04.2006


i know its been forever since i wrote anything on here. im sure by now most of you assume the band isnt happening anymore since there are no shows, no work on a new album, etc. well. i wanted to let you know that your assumptions are correct. we decided to stop doing the band... actually we decided that almost a year ago. we finished off our scheduled tour dates because there were good people working for us who relied on us to make a living and buy christmas presents and pay rent etc. we couldnt just cancel everything and leave them out to dry... plus i think we wanted to see if we would reconsider after being out on the road. our label was really hoping that we would change our minds, so they asked us to keep quiet about the decision for at first. well, its been quite awhile now and we are still very sure the band wont happen again, so i guess its time to say something.

we started as a punk band with pop aspirations and we met every goal we set for ourselves. a few weeks ago, the album finally went gold in canada and that was the final mark i really wanted to reach.. it was my goal to see how big we could become without ever compromising or changing what we did right from the start... and now i know. we did way more than i ever expected and i like to think the fans (you?) enjoyed it as much as we did.... watching us sneak our way onto network tv, big festivals and sports arenas... playing music that most people assumed only belonged in basements and dirty rock clubs. we played our first show in a living room on long island for about 12 people and played our last in the calgary saddledome for 12,000. ha! what more could i have ever asked for? ive been in lots of punk bands over the last 15 years and i played every basement, squat, hole and alley from here to eastern europe. dfa79 was the first time i ever really played on a stage, yet i really didnt change what i was doing from what id been doing in the past... hell i was even using the same amplifiers!

i never would have imagined that the wall of noise i love so much could have come this far. to see my silly elephant trunk idea become so popular... im sure its the greatest piece of graphic design ill ever do.

over the last 3 years of touring, sebastien and i had grown apart to such an extent that the only real time we spoke was just before we would play and during interviews. we both changed so much that the people we were by the end of it, probably wouldnt have been friends if they were to meet for the first time again. its a totally normal function of growing up. like how your high school bf/gf that meant so much to you would probably be the last person you would date at 30, ya know? thats where we got to. its not sad.

it would be more sad if we stopped changing and growing and kept playing the same songs for 40 years like the rolling stones. for me that would be a nightmare.

thank you so much for your support from beginning to end. thanks ache records for giving us that first 325 dollars and thanks last gang for taking us the rest of the way. thanks to everyone who came out to our shows, wrote letters just to say hi, baked cakes and made your own t-shirts. i kept everything you gave me. thanks so much to the kids who came really early to see us when were were opening for bigger bands... that meant so much to me.

i hope i have been a positive example and not a bad influence and i really want you to know that when you stop me on the street and i dont know what to say, its not because i dont appreciate you, its just not something i'll ever really get used to.

thanks again.

j f k

A real tear jerker. After that one half went off to do the MSTRKRFT stuff which is decent but whatever happened to Seb? He's comeback with Rhythm Method which is mint (he also did this Ben Kweller meets Head Automatica type stuff?!). The funny thing about this is that you can totally tell which member contributed what to DFA1979. RM is like Rick James and the MSTRKRFT stuff makes up the harder edge.

Here's some nostaglia: BTW 'Dead Womb' was an absolute undiscovered gem!

This is not ok

I've said a few times it take me a while to get up to date with 'new' music these days. I've just got hold ofthe Scarlett Johansson covers album where she murders nearly every good Tom Waits song.

I would have forgiven her because of that scene in Lost in Translation, where she stares out of the window and Squarepusher's 'Tommib' comes on.

But then she did this:

It's like a messed up Warburton's advert where they've asked a 14 year old Cure fan to cover TW. She totally dismantles 'Anywhere i lay my head' as well - how can i have that at my funeral now?!

Friday, 11 July 2008


The breakdown in the middle of 'Bathroom Gurgle' is bloody amazing. I'm loving LOTR and MGMT at the minute can't get enough of the german expressionist vibes!

If only....

Every fashion show was like this:

Monday, 7 July 2008


Rustie + 215 The Freshest Kids - Cafe De Phresh (Stuffrecords) from Remote Location on Vimeo.

This is the new video from Aquacrunk dealers Rustie and 215 Freshest Kids 'Cafe De Phresh'. It's shot like a Larry Clark film but without the uncomfortable moments of random teen nakedness.